Colonial mentality lives on

Today I witnessed the most despicable and most poor display of employer to employee relations than I have ever witnessed since I've been at Rhodes. For an institution which prides itself for being liberal and non-racial, what I saw today flies against such sentiments.

I was having lunch at approximately 12:30 when suddenly Ryno, the catering staff manager who happens to be caucasian, burst out from his office and began launching a tirade against one female catering staff member who seemed to have made a mistake in placing the wrong bowl at the top table.

He gestured and spoke to her in the most vicious and utterly disrespectful manner in front of students that were eating in the dining hall at that time. He continued in this manner until this woman went into his office where he continued to shout at her.

It was as though time froze for a moment because those who were witness to this tirade stood with looks of utter shock mixed with repulsion at Ryno's behaviour.

The woman that he was shouting at is black and in her late forties. She walked towards his office with tears of humiliation and helplessness streaming down her face. She had not uttered a single word in her defence but how could she, when it would ultimately be his word against hers?

The situation was embarrassing for those of us who witnessed it from the onset. A woman old enough to be my mother, verbally abused by a man who is young enough to be her son. Her dignity stripped before a hall full of kids. Was that really necessary? Needless to say, this was not the first time that Ryno was seen treating his staff members in such a draconian manner. This kind of behaviour is intricately woven into his fabric and he has always gotten away with it.

I commissioned everyone who witnessed this shameful incident to lodge a complaint with the authority that is in charge of our hall staff. I did this primarily because I know that uMama does not have much of a voice as a black kitchen worker at this university. Perhaps these impassioned outcries would assist in some way. I have faith that they will.

I just thought it very ironic that a few weeks ago Rhodes was in the media for publicly apologising for its various institutional actions which barred black students from admission to the university in the past. And yet that same spirit and attitude which was the subject of this apology is prevalent amongst some staff members.

It is individuals like Ryno who tarnish the efforts of those who fought so hard for this university to be where it is today.

As I continued with my day I found myself overwhelmed with sadness because I knew that I have a voice and uMama who is amongst the generation which fought hard for our freedom, does not.

Giving back

I was thinking to myself during the course of our final year exhibitions this evening "what experiences do I plan to take back home with me when I leave this town?" I felt a bit challenged because besides the long-term plans which I have made, I haven't thought of anything immediate which I can do to impact my community using the skills which I have acquired. Then the idea struck - food gardens and a youth newspaper.

I was inspired by the work that one of the groups have done in collaboration with Umthathi Training Project. This group basically mobilised learners from a couple of schools in Grahamstown to start planting food gardens at school as part of a sustainable development initiative. Then the produce from these gardens is used to feed the learners, some of which come from homes where food is scarce.

Umthathi is doing a great job. The problem however, is that their work does not really extend beyond the Eastern Cape. Undoubtedly, there is a need for more food gardens throughout the country because many people are living in poverty and lack the means to feed themselves. This is where I thought I could help.

I would like to identify a few schools in Soweto and Alexandra - the two main townships in Johannesburg, where I could continue the work which Umthathi is doing in the Eastern Cape. I think that I need to partner with the organisation because they could assist me with setting up a satellite organisation in Joburg.

Another initiative which I would like to get off the ground is a newspaper supplement for the youth by the youth. This idea I received when I was interning at Grocott's mail. Some learners from a few schools in Grahamstown have been roped together to write stories and contribute towards a publication called Upstart. These learners get an opportunity to work with media way before they get to university - which is a great thing.

I would like to start a similar initiative and I think that my target audience again, will be learners from less affluent schools. For them it will be an opportunity to report on issues which affect them, their schools and communities. Hopefully, they too will be exposed to media in the same way that the Upstart learners are exposed.

I think that this is a start. There will be more opportunities to impact the lives of people positively and to share that which Rhodes journalism has imparted.

Reflection

It is exactly two weeks until the beginning of my final exams. It's all so surreal. Three years have come and gone so quickly and I find myself feeling a bit teary-eyed. Grahamstown has been a home away from home, an escape, a retreat of sorts.

I actually feel a bit nervous and slightly apprehensive about going back home. The prospects of going back to something familiar are not too appealing. I feel as though I'll be drawn back into that lull that I escaped three years ago but I guess its up to me. I think that my desperation to continue studying is masking a desperation for something new - it's masking my fear of slipping back into the ordinary, perhaps a fear of having to deal with issues that I wish did not exist.

This is not to say that I am ungrateful. With everyday that passes by I thank God for coming through for me in the most powerful way imaginable. He really turned the hopeless case which was my life into something beautiful and worth living. The experience of these past three years has enriched my life and is one which will remain with me for as long as I walk this earth.

What gives me the most joy is that my mother reaps the greatest benefit of my decision to come back to school. It has not been easy for her to raise three kids who have all had their share of potentially destructive drama in their lives- teenage pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse. Seeing me graduate after all my trials and tribulations is evidence to my mom that it's not all lost, that God is so faithful. And really, the glory is all His.

I hope that in getting a degree, I have inspired my brother and sister to do the same. I hope that I have planted a seed and instilled a culture of learning within my young nieces. For me, this education is more than just a degree. It is hope for a family without graduates. It is vindication from all those who had nothing but negativity to speak over our lives. Its a new beginning for me and much-awaited celebration for my mother.

A new creature in Christ

And then I went to church...

I was reminded that it really does not matter who condemns me because before God I stand not condemned. Jesus Christ went to the cross so that I could live and live abundantly. This includes living a life free of condemnation.

I realised that what really counts is the fact that I have long asked for forgiveness from God and that in His eyes I do not stand condemned- I am clean and forgiven.

Condemnation

I don't quite know how I am supposed to go to church and sing praises to God this morning when I am harbouring such anger and resentment.

What kind of a person are you to say that you don't care about something on the one hand and yet on the other hand you use every chance you get to remind me of that one mistake which I made. You're holding a secret grudge which you use as a weapon against me in unsuspecting moments, to disarm and humiliate me. How long is this going to carry on for?

I am so angry with you. I am disappointed and I am hurt because for a person who professes to care deeply about me, your action spells the opposite.

To my (future) husband

These are the words which I hope to say one day to the man who will find me and make me his wife. They are lyrics from a song by a 90's RnB group called U.N.V. and I think that they are absolutely beautiful:

You are to me
What poetry tries to say with a word
You are a song
All the music my heart ever heard

I can't escape
The air that I breathe even speaks of you
And I'm not ashamed to say
That I feel this way

I will stand before God
Give you all that I've got
I can promise you I'll be true
I reveal here and now
As we both take this vow
I am so in love [So in love], with, with you

Words can't express
What I confess with each beat of my heart
I'm overwhelmed
With a passionate affair from the start, oh...

Our love will grow
As the years come and go, I will be by your side, oh, yes, I will
There isn't anything
That I would deny

I will stand before God
Give you all that I've got
I can promise you I'll be true
I reveal here and now
As we both take this vow
I am so in love, I am so in love with you

I promise to honor and cherish you
For better or for worse
I'll be there for you
For richer or for poorer
In sickness and in health
Till death do us part
(And I will)
From this day on and forever

I will stand before God
Give you all that I've got
I can promise you I'll be true
I reveal here and now
As we both take this vow
I am so in love [I am so in love], I am so in love
I am so in love with you
I am so in love

There is a time for everything

It's the end of my undergraduate degree and I have decided to stop worrying about my future; to stop worrying about where I am going next year or what it is I am going to do.

I have been planning frantically for quite a while without realising that regardless of what I plan, God will have me where He wants me to be next year. I would like to stay on at Rhodes for one more year because I don't feel like I am ready to leave yet. Perhaps the truth of the matter is that I am trying to hold on to a season which is due to pass. I am trying to hold on to an experience that I cheated myself out of when I dropped out of law school 6 years ago.

I have applied to WITS and Rhodes for Honours - both programmes are great, and I 'll work hard for these exams. But the way forward from here is not up to me, I am not master of my own destiny.

I have decided to enjoy what is left of this season (my undergrad education at Rhodes) and to cherish each moment. I know that the next season will bring new things, new experiences and lessons to be learnt. When you look at life in that way, every moment becomes so precious.

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3