Reflection

It is exactly two weeks until the beginning of my final exams. It's all so surreal. Three years have come and gone so quickly and I find myself feeling a bit teary-eyed. Grahamstown has been a home away from home, an escape, a retreat of sorts.

I actually feel a bit nervous and slightly apprehensive about going back home. The prospects of going back to something familiar are not too appealing. I feel as though I'll be drawn back into that lull that I escaped three years ago but I guess its up to me. I think that my desperation to continue studying is masking a desperation for something new - it's masking my fear of slipping back into the ordinary, perhaps a fear of having to deal with issues that I wish did not exist.

This is not to say that I am ungrateful. With everyday that passes by I thank God for coming through for me in the most powerful way imaginable. He really turned the hopeless case which was my life into something beautiful and worth living. The experience of these past three years has enriched my life and is one which will remain with me for as long as I walk this earth.

What gives me the most joy is that my mother reaps the greatest benefit of my decision to come back to school. It has not been easy for her to raise three kids who have all had their share of potentially destructive drama in their lives- teenage pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse. Seeing me graduate after all my trials and tribulations is evidence to my mom that it's not all lost, that God is so faithful. And really, the glory is all His.

I hope that in getting a degree, I have inspired my brother and sister to do the same. I hope that I have planted a seed and instilled a culture of learning within my young nieces. For me, this education is more than just a degree. It is hope for a family without graduates. It is vindication from all those who had nothing but negativity to speak over our lives. Its a new beginning for me and much-awaited celebration for my mother.